Houston, I Have A Problem

I’ve always wanted to say that.

I just arrived in Houston for the week. I have a problem.

Apparently my bank now requires that I should call them 24 hours in advance of every overseas trip to notify them that I may, just may, need to pay for things with my (supposedly internationally Visa networked, PIN code secured and security chipped) card. Which year is this? Oh, yeah 2008, I thought for a minute it was 1981.

Upon my arrival I logged in to my online banking service (as their phones close at 8pm UK) and using their online messaging service which apparently ‘allows you to send a message securely over the internet to our Contact Centre, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.’ I think it’s like a secure email service.

Within 5 minutes of sending them my SOS I got a response by email. Wow, I thought, that’s fast. But having cruelly built up my hopes, here’s the gist of what they said in the reply: ‘Our customer service administrators will reply to your request within 2 banking days…’

Awesome.

So, I just woke up early and called them before they shut down the call centre for elevenses or lunch or something else helpful.

I think I uttered the phrase ‘Utterly amazing..’ quite a lot as the plot of this particular international conspiracy thriller unfolded down the line. Apparently they ‘get loads of overseas fraud, you’d be surprised Mr Turner…’, no, shit, Sherlock. Plus, they won extra bonus points for revealing that it will take them 24 hours to enable my card for international use.

Fortunately I have a couple of emergency credit cards to keep me alive until I can eventually get my hands on my money.

Absolutely, totally, amazingly pathetic. I think I need a new bank.